How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have feelings that need drinking.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize