I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
