brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
