Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
