Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i barfeds in our rink
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
