Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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