plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
