i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
