You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
