I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
