just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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