i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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