Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
