I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
