Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
