The maid of honor just puked.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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