she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
