We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
