Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Redeem this text for a blowjob
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to