And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall