Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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