I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
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Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
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Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.