I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You smell like stripper and shame
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
