If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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