We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
