yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
