i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
