the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
