TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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