So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
