I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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