My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
