you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
