I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
