I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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