Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
