cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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