There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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