Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
