They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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