your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
