maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
