If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
