i can't believe i had my finger in that
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
