My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
