mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
