I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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