I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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