They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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