toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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