It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
whose parrot is this?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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