so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
