You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
