You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
