I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
