There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize