He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so let's talk penis.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
