"it" just moved
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
