Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
