apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
