Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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