If i come over, it means nothing
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
