P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
