well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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