i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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