Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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