How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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