I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
