Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
