WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
