I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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