I am puke
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
