I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
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And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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