After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
