Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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