it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
