I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
