Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
