Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
